COUNT DOWN

So what you are not getting to read is a fairly long disertation of all of the emotions and feelings that have seemed to overwhelm me this past week....

I'll save written passage for myself to come back to and spare everyone

I panicked acted impulsively and adjusted my return flight and paid some cash aka plastic to move my flight from May 13th into Newark NJ to May 2 into Newark NJ..


Made a call to the boss and told her the news....she understood.

Two days later, I'm meditating or stretching or something and a tiny spark forms...

later that day I review goals and ideas and impressions on the last 4 months, a comparison of the reasons why I was coming to Hawaii in the first place and how things actually turned out....

Called my old job.....

Set up for a return....

BANG SNAP SHITAKE mushrooms....I was hit by an overwhelming idea that i was passing up a good opportunity as I have settle into the outpatient orthopedic clinic and realize that I trully enjoy getting up in the morning to go to work.....kind of a first in a while for me....sorry Haven.

well it felt like an epiphany, by my epiphany's come fast and furious sometimes so I have to be weary of certain impulses, yet at the same time be keenly aware of the underworkings of the motivation and machinery that lies in my subconcsious guiding me forward into this life....

So which is it......Get home quick fast in a hurry, or do I make a play to stay that is the question......?

Next day my boss closes the door in the office and says "i know you say it isn't about the money, but sometimes it seems like it is about the money based on some of your comments" I laugh and tell her I know I know I know, I tell her as ambiguously as I can- that it is and it isn't about money, I tell her flat I would have to make this such and such amount, she backs off, I can't do that, but think it over this weekend, let me know what would work and what kinda package would do it for u....

It's very funny, when decisions face u like this it suddenly is hard to bring that giant list the giganto breakdown of the pros and cons...because they all seem to have pro's and con's of their own....

It's hard right now at this very moment to see what is most important....

Family, a healthy lifestyle for mind and body....seem to be at the top....money is what hops around to the front and that back and forth.....Artistic and creative outlets.....enhancing my skill set as a therapist and ensuring that I can retain at least some of my knowledge....chill and have fun....

the natural beauty the surrounding the variety of things to do on this island are awesome amazing and all too easy and accessible...

u certainly pay for it....

ideally, i want to be bi coastal and spend at least 4 months home per year and the rest out here...that would be the coolest; actually the warmest, because I'm done with the cold if i can help it....that I have made my stand on.


real difficult flying on a scooter, paying zip for insurance zip for car payment (at least for the scooter, i still pay for a car at home) paying 12 bucks a week in gas, parking is never a problem, people are by in large nicer and cooler than first realized, it's between 70-84 each day, surrounded by water and mountains, night life, culture of all kinds from around the pacific, working in a relaxed clinic on th 8th floor in a building downtown, crystal blue water, high rise skyline, and mountains from Left to Right outside my window, I'm attached to a ridiculous out door mall that is literally a 4 minute walk to- I treat younger and healthier and funner and more alive patients who invite me to functions and such and of course make uncomfortable advances on me...(JK) I'm alone for some of the day, I can adjust my schedule....

but it's not home.
it's not home...yet...I guess?


Signed



CONFUSED, HAPPY